False Starts and
Second Chances, February 2012

The whistle blows!

Start over. Try
again. Loss of time and delay of the
game or the race. The whistle blows
because someone jumps too soon. Maybe
that person got nervous, wasn’t paying attention or didn’t have all the
facts. The intensity of the moment
caused him to react too quickly and not make the best decision. Everyone is
called back to the starting line.

It is frustrating to be called back to the starting
line. Do it all over and try not to make
the same mistake again. False starts can
lead to losing the winning edge, timing
is off and focus is interrupted.

Starting over is hard.
It takes patience. It takes
strength. It takes courage.

There are four things you can do to make it easier.

1) Believe
in yourself. You didn’t become part
of a starting line without knowledge, ambition, and experience. You have the skill to succeed.

2) Choose a new thought. Recognize that you are not without options
even if your starting line didn’t make it to the super bowl or the gold medal
race.

3) Learn from the past. The past is valuable teacher.

4) Get comfortable making mistakes . We all make big and small mistakes and
most of us don’t like to admit them.
Admitting them makes us appear vulnerable and human. Admitting them keeps the problems and
consequences small.

Life is full of false starts and second chances. Each false start and second chance is an
opportunity to meet amazing people and make a difference. Each false start is a reminder because hearing
the whistle means you are in the game.
You are not just watching from the sidelines.

I hope your year is off to a great start.

Susan Salvo RN

Personal coach

Confident Directions, LLC

Copyright 2012, Confident Directions, LLC, all rights
reserved.

• Decrease stress and frustration 
• Improve your marriage and relationships
• Manage crisis and loss
• Resolve the chaos in your life

I have a collection of pencils, I am sure you do too. Some are the standard orange color with erasers intact. They have never been used, at least not yet. Some of my pencils are decorated with football teams, flowers or animals and have different colors. Other pencils are much smaller, the eraser is gone; it is used up. I even have broken pencils.Copyright 2010, Confident Directions, LLC, all rights reserved.

There are lots of different kinds of pencils in this world, just as there are lots of different kinds of people.

Have you ever asked yourself these questions?

How are pencils and people the same?

What do they have in common?

The answer is this:

1. Our points wear out.

2. We break just like pencils do.

We need to sharpen our points again and again, all throughout life. Just as pencils need help to get their points sharpened, so do people. People to help us, people to rely on, maybe people to tell us what our point is.

At times, our point gets too sharp or we press too hard and then we break. This year it may be tempting to press so hard and work so fast that you reach the breaking point. Think about it, when a pencil breaks, we have to stop what we are doing and get a new pencil, or at the very least use the eraser on the mark we created. Doing that creates space and gives us a break. Maybe we even decide not to press so hard the next time.

September, the start of another school year.
I have two wishes for you this school year.
That you don’t reach the breaking point by pressing too hard and too fast.
That you have great friends and teachers to help sharpen your points.

Thank you

Susan Salvo RN
Confident Directions, LLC

Copyright 2010, Confident Directions, LLC, all rights reserved.

Summer!
Long days, sunshine, energy and what else?
Garage sales!

That’s right, it is garage sale season. Time to get rid of the junk taking up space in your garage and closet. Junk you may have had for years and no longer serves you any purpose but may be useful to someone else. Time to toss it, either to a garage sale, Goodwill or E-Bay.

For most of you it is easier to release the grip on junk taking up space in the garage. You see it and touch it and may have walked around it for years.
It is much harder to release the grip on junk taking up space in your brain. You can’t see it but you may have walked around it for years.

Some examples of junk taking up space in your brain.
Expectations for these things.

The outcome of the major event, meeting, vacation etc.

Other people and their behavior, attitudes and actions.

Ourselves, our behavior, attitude and actions.

People

Gripping unhealthy relationships with other people. Gripping teenagers or spouses and preventing them from growing up. Gripping ourselves and preventing forward movement and action.

The Past

Many people live in the past even if it a painful spot to live. Why? The past is secure and familiar, you know the outcome of the story.

When you hang on to expectations, you risk creating the outcome. You create in your brains what you want to have happen and lessen the chance that something better happens. Likewise when you hold on to people and the past you lessen the chance that something better happens. It lessens the chance to grow!

How do you release the grip on your gripe?
Ask yourself. What am I hanging on to? The second question, Why? Releasing the grip may be a gradual process taking months or years. It may also be sudden. When you release your grip, the result is freedom, peace, lowered stress and better relationships with yourself and other people. Incredible things start to happen.

I frequently coach people to release the grip and let go. My clients achieve great results!

I talk about releasing the grip in my presentation titled Acceptance, Boundaries and Courageous Conversations. If your group is interested, I would be excited to be in front of your audience. 

Copyright 2010, Confident Directions LLC, all rights reserved.

 
Oh say can you see, by the dawn’s early light
What so proudly we hailed at the twilights last gleaming?
Whose broad stripes and bright stars, thru the perilous fight.
O’er the ramparts we watched were so gallantly streaming.

Words written at dawn on September 14, 1814 by Francis Scott Key, the morning after an intense battle at Fort McHenry. Words that were put to music and sung periodically over the next 100 years.In 1917, someone decided to sing it at a World Series baseball game, in honor of the brave men in the Great War. People were so moved by the song that it was repeated at every game. On March 3, 1931 Congress voted it the national anthem, 116 years after it was written.

Leads me to several thoughts:

Francis Scott Key wrote the original words in a short period of time, never anticipating the impact. We also say and do things never anticipating the impact. Sometimes the impact is good, sometime it is not.

The decision to play the song at a baseball game was made without much time and thought. Our decisions to say and do things are very often done without much thought. Some of those decisions are very good, some of them are not and lead to regret. There is no cure for regret except possibly forgiveness of yourself and other people.

What would it look like today if Congress were deciding on a national anthem? Sure would look different and take longer.

We live in a country with freedoms and opportunities other countries envy, yet we like to complain. Perhaps we complain because we are not brave enough to take advantage of the opportunities.

Oh say does that star spangled banner yet wave,
for the land of the free and the home of the brave.
Are you ready for the challenge, the challenge to be brave enough to take responsibility for the opportunities we have in this country?

Thank you to the brave people who fought for the freedom we take for granted.

Happy Fourth of July!!

What are some of the things we wait for?
People, people to arrive, to leave and to get things done in between the arriving and the leaving.
Stop lights and traffic, (about 15 minutes a day on average, 60 seconds at each red light.)
Doctors, dentists , medical procedures and test results.
Paychecks and money.
Computers, (about 9 minutes a day.)

We don’t associate waiting and the waiting rooms of life with peaceful, calm, joyful thoughts, do we? Instead we get impatient, restless, think about everything we need to get done.

Part of our problem with waiting rooms is that we don’t give ourselves room to wait. Our schedules are packed with competing obligations and places to be.
Part of our problem with waiting rooms is that some things are just out of our control, we can’t do anything about them or we think we can’t.
Part of our problem with waiting rooms is that we think we can’t control what we actually can.

What can we control in a waiting room out of our control?

We can pause.
Did you know that teachers who wait 3-5 seconds for the answer to a question get more thoughtful answers. (The average time a teacher waits is 1 second.)

We can think. The moment is not empty.
One of my past clients was a single mother of three young children, whose ex-husband was stalking her. She was working two jobs, and taking a class. She said something I will never forget.
She said ” I keep myself so busy so I don’t have time to think.”
My response was, “Take time to think, in the shower, while you are driving, and while you are wating. Time to think gives you strength, it gives you power, and gives you the courage to change.”
Neither of us will forget that conversation.

It is something to think about while you wait.